This evening, Bush Junior will give his "probably final State of the Union address," according to the Washington Post. That means we're "probably" having our last SOTU drink fest with our beloved leader before he escapes to exile in Paraguay. So let's make it "probably" the best drinking game ever! Pick your channel, but make sure it's a cable channel and not one of those lame old broadcast networks with their decorum and whatever. You need to see actual crazy people such as Chris Matthews or Lou Dobbs or Brit Hume jabbering about this dumb speech.
If possible, watch all three cable channels at the same time -- and go ahead and reserve the ambulance now, because calling midway through the State of the Union is like trying to call Domino's at half time on Super Bowl Sunday.
Bush is shown all misty eyed in the audience, while Grandma Babs laughs at some poor black people. Okay, happy hour's over and it's time for our main event. You'll want to assemble the drinking supplies close by the teevee, so you don't miss a moment of this historic bullshit. Don't be the kind of anti-American loser who needs to "find the salt" when things get ugly.
Be prepared. If you aren't ready to be American, we're sure France would love to have you back. Just kidding. They don't want you, either. It's George's last big speech! Prepare five 5 shot glasses per person, and fill each with 1. You have to play if you can. A two clears the pile and the person who lays down the two lays down another preferably their lowest card.
Threes reverse the order to counter-clockwise, then back if another 3 is laid down. If someone cannot play a card, they pass and take a drink. If no one can play on the last card s dealt, it clears and the person who no one could play on lays down another card, and you continue in order.
The point is to be the first one to be out of cards, because that makes you the president. The last person out of cards is the asshole, and you can fill in the one's between vice, secretary of whatever, it's up to you - be creative.
He took me out to dinner, paid for everything, and told me that I had beautiful eyes. I was a fool not to notice the mischief going on beneath the table. We scoffed at critics such as John McCain, who rightly stated that Clinton conducted a 'photo-op foreign policy. We woke up with our clothes off.
In walked George W. On Tuesday night, he helped us put our clothes back on. He made us realize that we were more than our GDP, more than the latest tabloid. He gave us the shocking realization that this country is built on actual values. The speech on Tuesday night was like a cool glass of water the morning after a frat party. You can't believe you went home with that girl, can't believe you drank so much, but you're glad to finally be back home.
Two sides of the country, two views of the world; one now clearly of the past; the other, the future. The lesson? A strong leader with a moral vision can bring out the better angels of our nature.
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